...

Then or now - I would tap this.  Twice.

Dam.

Sigh...

The countdown has begun, 3 weeks and counting...

Today has felt like a very sad day and I have been wearing heavy boots.  I had so much fun with Cerise and Shaela last week, it was over all too quickly - but it has also made me realise just how lonely I am over here.

I miss people I never thought I would miss, and do not miss people that I thought I would.

I guess it has shown me the true colours of a number of people in my life since I have been here, it is good and bad.  It makes my heart hurt.

But those people who know who they are, know how excited I am to come and home and see them.

Got the rest of my xmas shopping done today - no more all done - YEY!

Now that I figured out what to get the boy for xmas I now have to figure out what to get him for his Birthday!

Too many bloody Nov - March Birthdays in my life!!

Rory left again this morning, I will only see him once more before we leave for NZ and probably only for a day or two if I am lucky.

Dammit, I just noticed his boots sitting outside.

Shit.

Here are some photos from last week...

Detoxing this week, at least it will keep me busy!!!!

If you are too school for cool...

Where was this song 10 years ago when my 15 year-old-self needed it the most...



Still better late than never for all the freaks, geeks and underdogs...

Squeeeeee...

Getting excited!!!!

5 hours to go!

I cannot sleep so I am perving...

1/2 a sleep to go!  Counting down the hours not and not the days!  Cannot wait!

Heading out to Green Island on the Reef on Wednesday and markets/swimming/bbq'ing for the rest of the time...

Spend WAY too much money this weekend...not cool.  Feeling very guilty...but got some more xmas shopping out of the way.

I need to vacuum now, and then mop.  Lame.

But this picture is not...

An Orca going for a Surf.  Another reason why NZ rules.

I love this girl...

GLBT...Stand Up Against Hate.

If you have not looked into this campaign - please do it...now.

It is quite frankly, just beautiful.



When will New Zealand stand up and be held accountable?

Nawwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Okay - so.  Apparantly I was wrong - well no..not wrong but you know....

They are still bats - but apparantly that Bats around here look more like this...

And they eat fruit - they do not suck blood - or whatever other horrific things I was thinking...

I almost want to hug this guy...

X _ X

I feel like I am missing out so many things - things that I feel really do matter to me.

Am I doing the right thing?

The boy is doing to very well - he has been given a promotion, a pay rise and an xmas bonus.

But does it pay off on missing out on the things I love?

When will it be my turn?

Have I already had my turn?

Reflection

It is stupidly hot and I cannot sleep.  It is midnight and all I can think about is 12 months ago to the day.

You came back.  Why did you have to come back?  It is funny, because you are back there now, where you were.  Why can you not just stay there and leave well enough alone.

Stop hurting people, those who love you - you claim you love them.  Why won't you set them free?  Because you are too selfish, and those you claim to love are your bargaining tools.

I know you claim you love those who love you, but I think your opinion of love is very different..and very warped.

You were right when you left, and I was wrong.  Those you claim to love are better off without you - I should not have tried to reason with you, should not have tried to make you stay.  You really were right all along.

But you came back - and now it is 12 months later.  To the day, and it is all I have thought of all day.  I think I am the only one who remambers the day.  It hurts me, my heart hurts.  For me, for him, for her, for them....for you and for what will be.

I know what will be, and it give me knots in my stomach - because I remember, I remember and it gives me nightmares, and I wake up in panics.  Thinking, feeling, hearing, smelling.  Remembering.

Those you claim to love will know the truth one day - they deserve to.  They need to know.  The past 365 days - have - I cannot put into words.  The damage those days have done, what you have done to yourself.

It is true, history does repeat.  But I am going to make damned sure it stops here, this fucked up narcissistic cycle will stop here.

I will always love you - but I will never again like you.  I cannot.

I know you hate the word -  but I am disappointed.  He is, she is, they are, we are.

What happened?

"You do not wake up one morning a bad person. It happens by a thousand tiny surrenders of self-respect to self-interest." - Jay Herself

Washing, I hate folding it.

Matchstick Eyes...

This week was balls, going to write it off and prentend it never happened.

4 more sleeps until I see Hayley

10 more sleeps until I see Cerise & Shaela

39 sleeps until I see Auckland and my Mummy and all my friends (if I have any left).

I would count the sleeps until Christmas, but I am 25 - Fuck Christmas.

Oh, and Reason #1783 why Australia sucks - they don't do Guy Fawkes.  No fireworks, no fun.  Australia you suck the back end of a Kangaroo.

Totally do not get to see anything pretty like this...

Or even expose myself to the potential burns from these...

No Fireworks, anywhere.

I guess the animals won't be scared.

I feel cheated.

Nananananananananananananananana...

Had a rad Zumba session tonight with Lisa - it was mad fun and we laughed alot.

My arse is going to hurt tomorrow...

Driving home tonight...I realised that the birds that come out at night to fly around the treetops - are not birds at all...

Not quite sure how I missed this - I mean you know BAT WINGS and all.

My skin is crawling...

She's thinking how did I get here, and wondering why...

My heart aches for Poor Lily.  I cired reading this and it has left a very sad feeling in the pit of my stomach.  Any miscarriage is tragic - but at 6 months...

Cunt...

This is a word that I am rather partial to.  I like it because it gets across exactly how I feel about it, it rolls off the tounge rather nice - and it seems to get people up in arms.

But why?

Why in New Zealand is the word CUNT offensive but, so many people find the likes of racism highly amusing - and socially acceptable?

Cunt - the slang word for Vagina.  I am a female, I have a vagina - I do not find CUNT offensive, but many people do - because they believe that when used in context calling someone a CUNT in turn means that a vagina is a bad thing.

Ok, fair call.

But then WHY is it socially acceptable to call someone a Dick, Ballbags, Wanker, Cock etc - all these slang words for Penis are socially acceptable, cause little to no offense and are often laughed at - even though the word CUNT is used in the same way.

Really, is does less justice to the vagina - by keeping it down and saying it is a bad thing - and making light of the Penis and saying it is a good thing.

CUNT, it is so incredibly expressive - there is no beating it around the bush.

Now - for your viewing pleasure -

I brazillian wax poetic so hypothetically...